Blessings do come, they have their own timing but they come. THANK GOD. Literally.
I don't usually get super "real" on my blog. I like to make it a happy place but really life isn't always perfect. I want to remember the pains because that is what makes the better days seem so much sweeter.
I feel like the last week or so I've learned a lot about myself. About what I want in life, who I want to be and where I want it to go. I love love LOVE being a mom. I love it more than I ever have and ever thought I would. Although it does suck sometimes like getting no sleep, not showering until evening and sick kids....last night Baron projectile vomited all over the floor. THANK GOODNESS he wasn't facing the couch because that thing is still brand new and pristine as far as I'm concerned! Levi quickly offered to clean it up....I fell in love all over again. I continued to hold Baron over the sink and I didn't even know what to do with him. Whatever he ate must not have settled good because he isn't sick with the flu just randomly threw up!?? Weird. (Neither of my kids have ever gotten the flu where they have thrown up a ton. Lydia has thrown up randomly once and had the other squirty version but that's it. I consider myself pretty lucky I don't know how I would handle that!)
Last night Baron started getting really snotty and couldn't breathe well which explains why we aren't at church this morning and I am here in a quiet home thinking about all the things I want to/need to get done. I still can't decide where to start and than I am reminded of yesterday. I went to a relief society conference yesterday afternoon and holy smokes that conference was meant for me. It feels like this trial we have gone through continues to teach and I am sure it will far long after it is gone. I sat there fighting back tears and failed miserably. I've learned how much I am truly loved. Only someone who loves us so much would put us through such pain for us to grow. I always imagine heavenly father whispering to me, "Stephanie, it's going to be ok....I know this is really hard but I know you can do it and you will better for it. You will be so much stronger and smarter just hold on a little longer." When I think of it that way it's hard not to humble myself and look beyond the big picture. I think back to that night I wrote that post and how incredibly broken I felt and I look at myself now and I feel like a different person. I am blown away at the power of heavenly fathers blessings. The conference was perfect and I needed to hear every word. The theme was "You have nothing to fear in the Journey," and at first I didn't really think much of it. There were two musical numbers and those really hit me.
One of the songs was called "Unanswered yet?"
The prayer your lips have pleaded
In agony of heart these many years?
Does faith beging to fail, is hope departing,
And think you all in vain those falling tears?
Say not the father hath not heard your prayer;
You shall have your desire, sometime, somewhere.
Unanswered yet?
Nay, do not say ungranted;
Perhaps your part is not yet wholly done;
The work began when first your prayer was uttered,
And God will finish what He has begun.
If you will keep the incense burning there,
His glory you shall see, sometime, somewhere.
His glory you shall see, sometime, somewhere.
That song was written for me I swear. The other song was called "You Have Nothing to Fear"
You have nothing to fear from the journey,
Though your way may be burdened by thorns.
For the Lord will be with you each step of the way
As you travel with faith through the storm.
And you've nothing to fear from your trials,
Though they seem far to heavy to bear.
Take His hand and He'll lead you gently along
And you'll find peace and safety there.
You have nothing to fear from the journey,
Though your body is tired and worn.
For the Lord will send angels to lift up your arms
And He'll carry the burden you've born
And you've nothing to fear from your suff'ring
Nor the grief you've been called on to bear,
Take His hand and He'll lead you gently along
And you'll find peace and safety there.
There is nothing to fear from the nights that are lonely,
There's nothing to fear from the cold,
There is nothing to fear from what might be tomorrow,
For heaven is with you,
And angels water over his fold.
You have nothing to fear from the journey,
Though it seems far too early to go
Heaven's angels will take you where tears are no more
And they'll lead you to glory untold.
And you've nothing to fear from the sorrow,
Though your life has been burneded by care.
Take His hand and He'll lead you safely back home
And you'll rest from your labors there.
The sun is coming out ,we feel very blessed, everything looks a little brighter because of it. I think that is a blessing to see life differently after these trials. We recognize all over again the blessings we already have and then to receive a little more is almost overwhelming and the icing on the cake. I feel incredibly blessed to be a mother and my family is so important. Being a mother, this role is what I want, I don't want to be anything else. We want to raise our kids to be good people with good character, who serve, have goals, dreams and who treat others nicely and have charity. While I do that I want to work on those same things for myself. That is all I want everything else isn't as important. It is just too important.
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