These last few months haven't been easy. The excitement of moving and all the new has been fun, we are settled and everything is really great. Except just one challenging trial. I've never felt so close to the lord and yet so alone. {I don't mean in lack of friends here because I do have friends here. The ward has been so welcoming and I've met probably 2 dozen woman who I can't wait to get to know better.} When I say alone I mean in those moments when those trials consume you and it's almost crippling. I am a no nonsense type of person almost to a fault, at one point my dad has called me a hardass (I'm sure he still thinks of me that way. He'd have to tell you who I get that from.) Normally I tell myself, "Shape up Steph. You know everything will be ok so just relax and have faith," and I do just that and everything works out. That's the thing with trials they make you feel weak and vulnerable. The last couple months I've prepared myself mentally for some spiritual growth...not that spiritual growth is bad but sometimes it hurts. Knowing heavenly father was going to make us "stretch" and often I think to myself okkkkkkk how far. How far will we stretch? How challenging and uncomfortable is this going to get? I truly know and I've received comfort many times that this trial will pass but.....when? Luckily I'm not alone. I have a husband who shares the trial and is strong when I am weak and vice-versa and provide that comfort for each other. We've spent many hours praying, fasting, reading talks, reading scriptures praying, fasting, finding answers but still the trial continues. I have not once lost faith I know deep within my soul it will come. It's right there I can almost touch it.
Have I been angry? Yes. Have I been sad? Yes, I am right now. Am I disappointed? Yes. I didn't want it to take this long. I know heavenly father didn't do this to us. We have some growing and learning to do and it's hard because we have been incredibly humbled and now we want to move on. Make better choices. There are many lessons to be learned from our trials and as hard as this is I am grateful for this....I don't usually think that way but I know we are better from this. Life will no longer be the same. We are so blessed in so many ways and in no way in a million years would I trade this trial for another persons trial. We have a happy healthy family and all the basics are met that is all that is needed.
Throughout this challenging time we have read this talk and this quote is from that talk. It's amazing, read it if you are going through a hard time, I know I am not the only one out there.
“Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”
― Jeffrey R. Holland
So we will keep stretching....until it's done and we will be better for it.
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